My Mad Fat Diary
by lozxtitchx
Summary: A collection of one-shots (will only be continued if I get requests)...
1. Chapter 1

Dear diary, I loved Finn, I really did, and I wanted to take our relationship to the next step, but I just couldn't get my head around the fact that he liked me. I wasn't pretty and skinny like Chloe and Izzy, or any other girls for that matter, so why had he chosen me?

Putting my pen down as a knock at the door sounded… "Come in"

"Hey, your Mum said I could come straight up" Finn informed me

Smiling at him warmly, I shut my diary and he walked into the room, shutting the door behind him…

"Are you okay?" he questioned, kicking his shoes off as he moved to sit on my bed next to me

"Yeah, why?" I inquired

"You've been a bit distant recently. I thought you might be ill or something" he admitted

"No, I'm fine, I've just had a lot of thinking to do" I informed him

"About? Sorry, none of my business" he sighed

"No, it's not, but I wanna tell you" I admitted "after my meltdown at college, I went to see Kester"

"What did he say?" he inquired

"I had 3 options. One was stopping caring what people think, the second was leaving college" I replied

"And the 3rd?" he questioned

I licked my suddenly dry lips and swallowed the lump in my throat… "Leaving you"

Finn stayed silent for a minute before speaking again… "And what did you decide?"

"Why do you like me, Finn?" I asked

"You really wanna know all the reasons?" he questioned "because we could be here all night"

"I need to know" I admitted

"Okay" he replied, smiling at me warmly "you're funny, you're witty, you're sarcastic, you're beautiful and you have a better taste in music than me"

"Say that last one again?" I asked, a smirk on my face

"No chance" he proclaimed "but just so you know, you do. You're not afraid to give what for, you're not afraid to stand up for what you believe in and most of all, you love me"

"What?" I inquired, shocked

"I know the reason Chloe kissed me is because she liked me, but she also did it to get one up on you" he explained "that afternoon before the rave, she invited herself over. She was being too clingy, which is why I'm glad you said you'd come because around the others I have to pretend to be something I'm not. With you I can just be me, and I love you for making me realise that"

I pressed my lips against his, my emotions flooding to the surface. For a minute he didn't reciprocate, and I did start to panic, but then I relaxed as I felt his lips start to move against mine, his arms wrapping around my waist. Pulling away a few moments later, breathless, we stared at each other, his forehead resting against mine…

"So, shall we get this play-list for Archie's birthday ready then?" he suggested

I shook my head, signalling no…

"Why not?" he questioned

"I wanna, y'know" I informed him, running my finger down his chest

"I'm not going to push you" he admitted

"You're not" I assured him, smiling at him warmly "this is my decision, my choice. I want to"

Reciprocating my smile, he pressed his lips against mine again. Hesitating for a minute as I felt his hand begin to wander down my body and unbutton my jeans, I relaxed, letting my body feel what he was doing as he slipped his hand beneath the material…


	2. Chapter 2

**OPTION THREE:**

"What's option three?" I asked Kester

"Leave Finn" he informed me

My eyes bulged and my jaw dropped. Leave Finn? Was he serious? He was the only person that could keep me sane and make me feel like everything was okay. Why would I leave him?

"Not an option" I replied

"So you're going to leave college, are you?" he questioned

"No" I informed him

"And you're gonna stop caring what people think?" he asked

I shook my head, signalling no…

"Then it has to be option three, Rae" he replied "it's the only feasible solution"

"Is it?" I inquired "Finn's the best thing that's happened to me in a long time, why would I want to ruin that?"

"You don't want to, but you have to" he informed me

I sighed heavily. Maybe he was right…

FINN'S POV:

"You're what?" I asked Rae

"I'm ending this" she informed me

"Why? What's wrong? Talk to me, Rae" I begged

"There's nothing to talk about. It's over. End of" she proclaimed, and with that she left the pub

"Mate, what happened?" Chop asked, placing his hand on my shoulder

"I really don't know" I admitted "should I go after her?"

"Nah, leave her, you know our Raemundo. Just give her some space" he replied

RAE'S POV:

I couldn't believe it. Finn and I were over. I'd done as Kester said and didn't feel any better for it. Had I made the wrong choice? My mind was telling me yes, and it was probably right…

"Rae, love, is that you?" Mum asked as I walked in the front door

"Yeah, but I'm not in the mood to talk" I admitted

"Why, what's the matter?" she questioned

"I've just broken up with Finn" I informed her

"You've what?" she inquired

"I've broken up with Finn" I mirrored

"Why?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at me "did he pressure you or something?"

I shook my head, signalling no… "It just wasn't working out, and Kester said…"

"What exactly did Kester say?" she questioned

"He said I had 3 options. One was to stop caring what people think, the second was to leave college and the third was to end things with Finn" I informed her

"And you chose the easiest way out, did you?" she inquired

"Well I knew you wouldn't be very happy if I quit college so…" I sighed

"Don't put the blame on me, Rachel Earl" she proclaimed "you could've not cared what people think"

"Mum, come on" I replied

"Mum, come on, nothing. You've chosen the easy way out and now you're upset. Feel better, do you?" she asked

I shook my head, signalling no… "So what do I do?"

FINN'S POV:

"Finn, my man, you've gotta stop moping" Chop proclaimed

"I'm not" I informed him

"What?" he questioned

"I'm not moping, because I've found a way to get Rae back" I explained

"How?" he asked

"Wait and see" I replied, hurrying to my front door as the doorbell rang. Taking the post from the postman, I shut the door behind me and began to root through it, what I was hoping would've arrived had done…

"What's that?" he inquired

"My ticket to winning Rae back" I informed him "Oasis gig tickets"

"How did you manage to get your hands on those?" he proclaimed

"I have my ways" I informed him "now let's get to college"

Following me out of the door, we climbed into his car and drove off…

RAE'S POV:

I opened my locker and found an envelope laying on my books with a post-it note attached…

"_It's up to you whether you come or not, but I'd really like you to. X"_

Opening the envelope, I pulled out two Oasis gig tickets. Slamming my locker door shut, I leant against it and tried to calm myself. I couldn't believe it…

"Rae, you okay?" Izzy asked

"Yeah, where's Finn?" I questioned

"The common room" she informed me

Hurrying off down the corridor, I made the journey to the common room. Walking in, I saw Finn sat at one of the computers. Making my way over to him, he turned to me as Chop tapped him on the shoulder…

"You're gonna either slap me or hug me" he admitted "right?"

"Wrong" I informed him. Cupping his cheeks in my hands, I kissed him softly

"Wow" he whispered as we pulled away

"I'm going with option one" I admitted, smiling at him warmly

Reciprocating my smile, he captured my lips with his…


	3. Chapter 3

**QUESTIONS:**

RAE'S POV:

I always knew that someday I'd have to run away from home, but I always thought I'd go to Chloe's. We'd be sisters and I'd have a proper family, but for some reason, I found myself walking up to Finn's front door, knocking gently, hoping he'd let me in…

The door opened and he looked at me, concern written all over his face. I smiled at him weakly and he stepped aside, signalling for me to come in…

I sat up from Finn's bed as I heard his footsteps approach the door. There was something about his room, it was so relaxing. I didn't know whether it was the gentle summer breeze that came in through the open window or whether it was the Oasis playing on the player in the corner, there was just something about it that made me feel like I didn't have a care in the world. If only that was true…

"Here we go" he stated as he walked over to me "tea makes everything okay"

I smiled at him weakly… "Thanks for letting me stay"

"No problem. Dad's ironing the sheets for the spare room as we speak" he informed me

"Oh God, he doesn't have to do that" I proclaimed

"I wouldn't try and stop him" he replied, chuckling softly

"So, anyway, what time's the rave?" I questioned

"Need to set off in about an hour. Why, you thinking of coming?" he asked

"No, it'd bugger up the lifts" I replied

"Bollocks, will it. I'll just tell Chloe to jump in with Chop, and you come on the scooter with me" he informed me

Smiling subtly as I took a sip of tea, I felt my heart skip a beat… _Take that, Chloe…_

FINN'S POV:

"Are you sure your Mum won't mind?" Rae questioned as we walked into my parents bedroom

"She's said it's okay. Stop worrying" I replied, making my way over to her wardrobe

Opening it, I began to look through her clothes for something for Rae to wear… "You gonna help? I'm not very good when it comes to fashion"

"And you think I am?" she inquired, raising an eyebrow at me

I smirked and nudged her playfully, pulling out a gold shimmery jacket... "How about this?"

"Perfect" she proclaimed, taking it from the hanger, pulling it on "how do I look?"

"Like you're ready for a rave" I informed her

Hanging the hanger back in Mum's wardrobe, we left the room. Collecting the things together that we'd need, we made our way out of the house and into the back garden where my scooter was parked…

RAE'S POV:

"Mind if I borrow Rae for a minute? No, good" Chloe proclaimed as Finn and I arrived

"What's going on?" I questioned as she pulled me away from the rest of the group

"Is there something going on between you and Finn?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at me

"No, why?" I inquired

"You're staying at his, you've come with him on his scooter and you're laughing and joking like you're a couple. Don't wanna think my best friend is keeping things from me" she replied

"We're just best mates" I informed her "we like the same music, we have the same sense of humour and we just get along. Don't worry, you've got nothing to worry about"

"I'm not worrying" she proclaimed, folding her arms across her chest

"Okay then" I chuckled, both of us making our way back to the group

"What did she want?" Finn questioned as he handed me a beer

"Girl chat" I informed him, taking a sip from my beer can

"You okay?" Finn asked as we walked to the venue of the rave

I nodded my head, signalling yes, smiling at him weakly…

"Just relax and have some fun, yeah?" he questioned, linking his arm through mine

"Oi, oi, what's going on between you two then?" Chop proclaimed

Finn and I glanced at each other and rolled our eyes, ignoring his question. Soon enough we arrived at the venue and made our way inside. The music was pounding and the place was already packed…

"Right, who wants one?" Chop asked, opening a piece of tissue filled with pills

"Me" Izzy proclaimed, taking one from him, downing it with her drink quickly

"What the fuck, Izzy?" he questioned

"It's a party, isn't it?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at him

"Yeah, but that's not you" he replied "who else? Finn? Archie?"

"No thanks" Archie proclaimed

"Raemundo?" Chop inquired, holding the tissue in front of me

"Go on then" I chuckled, taking the pill from him, slipping it onto my tongue

"What the fuck did you do that for?" Finn questioned

"Maybe sometimes I just wanna forget" I admitted "Archie, shall we get drinks?"

Taking his hand in mine, we pushed through the crowds to get to the bar...

FINN'S POV:

Something caught my eye later that evening. Stopping dancing, needing to cool off, I saw Rae and Archie locking lips. Sighing heavily, I made my way outside…

RAE'S POV:

"You've been quiet since we got back. Everything okay?" I asked Finn

"Yeah, just knackered" he informed me, flopping back on his bed

Looking at him, I sighed heavily… "Tonight was fun, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, it was alright" he replied

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I questioned, sitting up abruptly

"I told you, I'm tired" he informed me

"Bollocks" I proclaimed "I thought we were mates, Finn? Talk to me…"

"Why did you kiss Archie?" he questioned

"I… We were just messing about" I replied "why?"

"I just didn't think it was the thing you did" he admitted

"Well there's a lot you don't know about me" I informed him

"Such as?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at me

I swallowed a lump in my throat, my mind racing as I tried to decide whether I should tell him or not…

"Rae?" he questioned

"Hmm?" I asked

"Like you said, we're mates, talk to me" he replied

Moving from where I'd been laid on the floor (it was surprisingly comfy, just like everything in his room) I moved and sat on the bed, inhaling and exhaling a breath…

"I'm guessing Chloe told you and everyone else I went to France?" I questioned

"Yeah" he stated

"I didn't" I admitted "I was in a psychiatric unit. I self-harmed"

"Rae, I…" he whispered

"You don't have to say anything" I replied "I've been thinking about telling everyone for ages"

"Y'know I'll see to anyone who doesn't accept it, right?" he questioned

"Thanks" I sighed, smiling at him warmly "I better get to bed. Big day tomorrow"

"You're going to the wedding?" he asked

"I have to, don't I? She's my Mum" I sighed

"Why don't you stay in here?" he suggested

"What?" I questioned

"Stay in here" he replied

"But your Dad's gone to all that trouble ironing the sheets" I sighed

"Rae, c'mon" he chuckled "what's wrong? We've shared a bed before"

"I know, I just… Are you sure you want to share a bed with a mental case?" I asked

"Couldn't think of anything better" he informed me "but no, seriously, you're cool, Rae"

Smiling at him warmly, I moved myself so I was laid on his bed next to him. Shutting my eyes, I felt him move and bring the blanket from the bottom of his bed around us…

**Remember, guys, this will only be continued if you send in requests. I'll do any…**


	4. Chapter 4

**Well during a re-watch of the first episode last night this popped into my head, and here's the result. Let me know what you think, thanks!**

**A NEW PERSON:**

RAE'S POV:

As I walked the short distance from town to Finn's house, I couldn't help but feel more and more excited with each step I took. It was like I was a brand new person. I had this new vigour, this new excitement in me. Making my way up the steps to his front door, I knocked and waited for an answer, his Dad opening the door…

"Hello, Rae, love, you're just in time" he greeted me

"What for?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow at him

"I was about to put my Status Quo album on" he informed me "and I promise I'll try and keep the imitations of air guitar to a minimum"

I smiled at him weakly…

"We can rain check?" he suggested

"Yeah, let's rain check" I replied, smiling at him warmly "is Finn in?"

"Yeah, he's in the shower" he informed "but go on up"

Sneaking the bag from behind my back to my front, I hurried up the stairs and into Finn's room, quickly stripping and changing into the underwear I'd bought before redressing, sitting myself down on his bed, hiding the underwear bag as I heard the shower stop, waiting for him to re-enter the room…

FINN'S POV:

I wrapped my towel around my waist and grabbed another one from the airing cupboard to towel dry my hair. Collecting my clothes in one hand, I made my way into my bedroom, shocked to see Rae sat at the end of my bed…

"What're you doing here? I thought we weren't meeting till later?" I questioned

"I wanted to show you something" she informed me

"Yeah, what?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at her

She smiled at me warmly and stood up and removed her top…

"Rae, I don't get it" I admitted

"Chloe, Iz and I went shopping" she informed me "and I bought this and some matching knickers. I wanted your opinion. So, what do you think?"

"I think you look amazing" I replied, smiling at her warmly

"Yeah?" she questioned

"Yeah" I mirrored "I really, really like it"

"Good, do you wanna see the rest?" she asked

"Where's this come from?" I inquired, raising an eyebrow at her

"Where's what come from?" she questioned

"Confident, upfront Rae?" I asked

"Do you not like it?" she inquired

"No, I love it, but I just wanna know where it's come from. You don't think I'm pressuring you, do you?" I questioned

She shook her head, signalling no… "This underwear makes me feel good, and I want you to make me feel good too"

"You do?" I inquired

She nodded her head, signalling yes… "So why don't you take my jeans off?"

"Rae, are you sure?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at her

"Yeah" she replied

RAE'S POV:

I smiled at Finn warmly as he walked over to his bed as I edged myself up it, resting my head on what I'd claimed as my side since we'd been dating. Moving onto the bed himself, he hovered over me and pressed his lips to mine. We continued to kiss and I felt his hand move down my body, brushing the side of my breast, my stomach to the waistband of my jeans. He pulled away from me and rested his weight on his forearm as he moved to the side of me, pulling the zipper down. Glancing at me, he smiled at me warmly and slipped his hand inside, his fingers moving beneath the material of my knickers, one sliding into me, my memory casting back to only a week ago in my bedroom – this had been the exact same position we'd been in. My mind was thrown back to the present day as he slipped another finger inside and I gasped loudly, making him chuckle, his lips pressing against mine softly as I hurtled towards the finish line…

FINN'S POV:

"We don't have to go any further if you don't want to" I informed Rae

"How many times, Finn?" she questioned "I'm ready. I want this"

"Okay" I replied, leaning forwards to capture her lips with mine. Pulling away again, I reached into my bedside table drawer and pulled out a condom, Rae watching me as I opened the wrapper and rolled it down my length. Moving over her again, she leaned up and kissed me, her hand moving to the back of my neck, her fingers running through my hair. Pressing my body against hers, I smiled into the kiss as she moaned…

RAE'S POV:

I bit down on my bottom lip as Finn pushed himself into me, his body weight pressing down on me. He pressed his lips against mine, whispering "open your eyes" against them. Doing as he asked, I opened my eyes and he smiled warmly at me and I couldn't help but smile back, the pain I'd been expecting to feel for longer having subsided extremely quickly. I locked my legs around his waist, signalling that I was okay and he began to move, moans and gasps escaping my lips as he hit spots inside me that made my insides tingle with pleasure…

FINN'S POV:

Rae and I lay together afterwards in a comfortable silence, my fingers playing with hers, our legs entwined as her head rested on my chest… "You okay?"

"I'm perfect" she informed me, tilting her head to look at me

"Good" I replied, leaning forwards to kiss her softly


	5. Chapter 5

RAE'S POV:

It had been a month since Tix had passed away. I couldn't believe I'd gone a whole month without her. I felt selfish, because I'd just been getting on with my life whilst everyone had been grieving for her. I had grieved, but I hadn't with anybody else. I'd done it on my own, in the solace of my bedroom…

"What's wrong? How come you're not eating?" Finn asked worriedly

"Not hungry" I admitted, shuffling my food around on my plate with my fork

"Well how about we go see what everyone else is up to then?" he suggested

"Maybe later. There's something I need to tell you first" I informed him

"Yeah?" he questioned as he sat back down "what's wrong?"

"I haven't been completely honest with you" I admitted

"What about?" he inquired, raising an eyebrow at me in confusion

"About my time in the psychiatric hospital" I replied "I have, well I had a friend"

"What do you mean you had a friend? Rae, talk to me. You can tell me anything" he assured me

I swallowed a lump in my throat and smiled at him weakly as he took my hand in his… "She died. The day after the rave"

"Shit, Rae" he sighed "why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"Because it's my fault" I whispered, tears filling my eyes as I spoke

"How is it?" he questioned, moving to my side of the table quickly, pulling me into him

"My mind was on having fun and rebelling after my row with Mum, and I completely forgot that I'd arranged to go and see her. It was important, it was the first time she was going to eat in front of people and I fucked it up for her. She had a stepper that she used to use every single day and when the nurses went in to do their nightly checks they found her on the floor. She'd had a huge heart attack. It was my fault, Finn, I should've been there" I explained

"You can't blame yourself" he replied "she was ill beforehand, very ill by the sounds of it. It could've happened at any time"

"But it didn't, did it?" I questioned "it happened the night I was supposed to see her, but instead me, you and the gang were all having fun at the rave. I fucked up. I'm a shit friend"

"No you're bloody not" he proclaimed, startling me as he spoke "I'm sure Tix wouldn't think so and neither do any of us. You're amazing, Rae, you need to believe me"

"Why?" I asked "I'm not worthy of having you guys as friends"

"Tough, you're stuck with us" he informed me, kissing my cheek softly "and I'm sure Tix wouldn't want you beating yourself up and blaming yourself for her death. She'd want you to be happy, Rae"

"I just can't help hating myself" I admitted "if I'd have remembered and gone to see her and then come to the rave, maybe she'd be getting better, maybe there'd be talk of discharging her so she could have a brilliant life like I do"

"Well, how about you do something in her memory?" he suggested, raising an eyebrow at me

"Such as?" I inquired

"As well as being happy and doing stuff she would've wanted to do, how about you put together a memorial service for her?" he questioned

"She'd like that" I admitted, smiling at him warmly

Reciprocating my smile, he leant forwards and kissed me softly…


	6. Chapter 6

**For those who haven't yet watched episode 5, this contains spoilers, and for those of us who have and witnessed the horribleness, here's a happier, what we were all wishing for ending…**

"_You should be loving it. It's not as if you've got guys banging the door down, is it?"_

Everything else that happened from then on was a blur and after a few minutes of pure shock, I felt someone lead me out of the bathroom…

"Rae, it's me. You okay?" Finn's voice asked

"Oh thank God" I proclaimed, sighing with relief, throwing my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly "thank you"

"Did he hurt you?" he questioned

I shook my head, signalling no…

"Then we best get out of here" he replied "before I get punched myself"

"We need to get Chloe too" I informed him

"Do you know where she is?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at me

"She was with this guy called Ian" I admitted "they were in the living room"

"Okay. Go to my car and I'll be there as soon as I can" he replied, handing me his keys

"Finn…" I whispered, taking a hold of his wrist as he went to walk away

"I'll be fine" he assured me "go on, go, and make sure you lock the door behind you"

Doing as he said, I made my way out of the house and to his car, locking the door behind me. Five minutes passed, then ten, and I glanced back to the house, wondering if I should go back in. As I was about to climb out of the car and make my way back in I saw Finn making his way out of the house, holding Chloe's body weight against him…

"Is she okay?" I asked worriedly, opening the car door for him

"No. Do you know what she's taken? That knob in there wouldn't tell me" he admitted

"Coke I think" I informed him "she was wiping at her nose when she came back from the bathroom. Finn…"

"We're gonna get her to the hospital, just to be on the safe side" he replied, taking his car keys from my hand "don't worry, everything's gonna be fine"

"Is it?" I questioned

"Yeah. You can trust me, Rae" he replied, smiling at me warmly as he started his car engine

FINN'S POV:

I made my way back to Rae after grabbing us a cup of tea from the vending machine as we waited for news on Chloe. Handing her tea to her, I sat down next to her…

"I don't know what I would've done if you hadn't of turned up" she admitted

"Let's not talk about it" I replied "are you sure he didn't hurt you?"

"I'm sure" she assured me, smiling at me warmly "but he would've done if you hadn't of shown up when you did. How did you find us?"

"Asked around, got the address from one of Chop's mates" I informed her "Rae, why did you go?"

"I did it for Chloe. She's my best mate" she replied "she needs looking after"

"You're a good friend, Rae. She's lucky to have you" I stated, smiling at her warmly

RAE'S POV:

Chloe had been given the all-clear early the next morning after sleeping the drugs off. The three of us made our way to Finn's car in silence, driving out of the hospital car park…

"How did you find us, Finn?" she asked, breaking the silence between us

"Rae told me she had to be in Uffington for 7pm" he informed her "and then I asked around, turns out one of Chop's mates knew about the party. Why did you do it, Chloe?"

"Being friends with you guys is all well and good" she sighed "but I hate feeling like a kid"

"So you thought taking drugs that could've done anything to you was the answer?" I asked

"Rae" Finn sighed, glancing at me

"No" I proclaimed "Chloe, look, I know you'd been drinking but drugs? Seriously?!"

"Okay, Rae" she replied "just because you're Miss. Goody Two Shoes"

"I'd rather be Miss. Goody Two Shoes than known as Miss. Slapper" I informed her

"What?" she inquired

"I heard Ian and Sol talking about you. That's what they referred to you as" I explained "great mates they are"

"Yeah well, I won't be seeing them any more" she informed me

"Promise me?" I asked, turning to face her

"Promise" she assured me, smiling at me weakly

Finn and I pulled up outside my house and he switched the car engine off and turned to me…

"You sure you're okay?" he questioned

"Yes, stop asking" I sighed, smiling at him warmly

"Sorry, I'm just worried about you, that's all" he admitted

"No need to be. I'm fine" I assured him "last night made me reassess things"

"And?" he inquired, raising an eyebrow at me

"And what?" I asked

"And what have you reassessed?" he questioned

"The choices I've made just recently" I informed him "who my mates are, you…"

"Me?" he asked

"Yeah" I replied "I should've explained why I broke up with you"

"Go on then. I'm listening" he informed me

"I'm scared" I admitted

"What of?" he questioned

"A relationship" I informed him "being so intimate and close with someone the way I am"

"What do you mean the way you are?" he inquired "you're amazing, Rae"

"No I'm not" I sighed "you just think I am. You don't know the real me"

"Then why don't you let me know her?" he suggested, raising an eyebrow at me

I pursed my lips together nervously and exhaled a breath… "You wanna know the real me?! I've got an appointment with my therapist at lunchtime today. It's at the hospital, floor C, follow the signs round from the stairs and you'll find it. If you wanna know the real me as much as you say you do, you'll be there"

**You lot are gonna hate me but this is just a one-shot. I know what some people are gonna say, but no, it shan't be continued, sorry…**


	7. Chapter 7

RAE'S POV:

My 17th birthday officially sucked! I'd fallen out with Chloe, Izzy and Chop had broken up and Finn had moved to Leeds. Archie was the only person who made an effort to bother with me, arriving at my door with a bunch of flowers, a card, a balloon and a birthday cake…

"You really have gone all out" I chuckled as we stood in the kitchen, me organising the flowers he'd bought me into a vase

"Got to when it's my best friend's birthday, haven't I?" he inquired

"Shame no one else thought to bother" I sighed, smiling at him weakly

"There's still time left" he replied "you never know what might happen"

"I doubt it" I admitted "but as long as I've got you, I know I'll have a great day"

"Well, Miss. Earl, how about you go and get yourself dolled up and then we head down The Swan?" he suggested

"Do we have to?" I questioned, raising an eyebrow at him

"You can't celebrate your birthday without an alcoholic beverage" he proclaimed

"Fine" I sighed "give me half-an-hour"

FINN'S POV:

"Guys, they're coming" Chloe informed Chop, Izzy and I as we stood in The Swan

"Are we meant to be hiding or what?" I questioned

"No, but just shut up or else she'll hear you" she hissed

Sighing heavily, I shut up as she asked...

RAE'S POV:

"It's dead for a Friday night" I proclaimed, shocked

"Yeah, maybe we should go somewhere else?" he suggested

"No, we're here now" I replied "come on, let's go inside"

Archie nodded his head in agreement and opened the door for me and I gasped in shock as I saw Chloe, Izzy, Chop and Finn stood around a table, party poppers being set off as we walked in…

"What is this?" I asked as Chloe hugged me tightly

"A happy birthday to our best friend" she informed me "and our way of an apology"

I smiled at her warmly, my eyes meeting Finn's as I hugged Izzy and Chop simultaneously…

"Last I heard you were in Leeds" I admitted as I reached him

"Things didn't work out" he informed me "I'm not cut out to be a scaffolder"

"What're you gonna do then?" I inquired, raising an eyebrow at him

He shrugged his shoulders… "My calling will come eventually. Happy Birthday, Rae"

"Thanks" I replied, smiling at him warmly

"Right, birthday girl, get this down you" Archie proclaimed, handing me a glass of cider

"Thanks" I chuckled as everyone clinked their glasses together

Later on that evening I was opening my presents when I came to Finn's. Glancing around, I saw he wasn't there. Sighing heavily, I ripped off the wrapping paper, swallowing the lump in my throat as I came face-to-face with a record player. He'd remembered…

FINN'S POV:

I stood outside the pub finishing off a cigarette when the door opened, Rae making her way outside…

"You okay?" I questioned

"Not too bad" she informed me "wondered where you'd got to. Thought you'd done another runner"

"Nah" I chuckled "listen, Rae…"

"Can I? Before I lose the bottle?" she asked

I nodded my head, signalling yes…

"I'm sorry about that night a few weeks ago when you came to see me" she admitted, both of us recalling the night in question "my head was all over the place and then you dropped this huge bombshell, I didn't know how to react or what to do"

"Dad said you came to see me the night I left" I informed her

"Yeah, I'd had a pretty shitty night" she replied "and I wanted to see you"

"Sorry I wasn't there" I sighed

"You don't need to apologise. You've every right to get on with your life" she informed me

"I don't have a life" I admitted "I'm still as miserable as the night I came to see you"

She didn't reply. As I was about to say something I was cut off by her lips on mine…

"What was that for?" I questioned, shocked

"Call it a thank you for my birthday present. I can't believe you remembered" she admitted

"You babbled on about it for the entire time we dated. It'd be a crime if I didn't" I replied

"Well thank you all the same, it's the most thoughtful present anyone's ever given me" she informed me

"You're welcome" I stated "shall we get back inside?"

"Can we stay out here for a while? I like it, just the two of us" she questioned

**This is dedicated to my lovely Brogan – and again, no, it shan't be continued. Sorry!**


	8. Chapter 8

**SAYING GOODBYE: One scene in series 1 I would've liked to have seen would've been Rae supporting Finn at his Nan's funeral, just because, I'm guessing, she knew the most about what was wrong with her and how it affected him due to him breaking down/confiding in her, so here's my take on how it would've gone…**

RAE'S POV:

I'd been to funerals before; my grandparents, family friends, but today's was the one I was most nervous about. Finn had asked me to accompany him to his Nan's funeral and I was bricking it. I didn't know how people were going to react to me being there. What if his family thought I was intruding when all I wanted to do was support him? Maybe I should ring and cancel, say I'd come down with the flu or something. No, Rae, you can't do that to him…

"Rae, we need to go" Mum shouted up the stairs, breaking me from my trance. This was it…

I checked my appearance one last time. Black dress, tights, flats (borrowed from Chloe. AMEN) and a smart suit jacket borrowed from Mum. Picking up my little handbag that I'd also borrowed from Mum, I made my way downstairs to her…

"Ready?" she asked

I nodded my head, signalling yes, following her out of the door…

"I think it's a lovely thing you're doing" she admitted as she drove me to Finn's house

"Finn's my friend, I'm just being there for him like he needs" I explained

"Are any of the others going?" she questioned

I shook my head, signalling no… "He asked me"

"Well take that as a compliment, love" she replied, squeezing my hand

We pulled up outside the house ten-minutes later. Kissing Mum's cheek and thanking her for the lift, I climbed out of the car and made my way up the driveway to the front door, ringing the doorbell…

"Hi, Rae" Mr. Nelson greeted me, smiling at me warmly

"Hi, Mr. Nelson" I mirrored

"He's upstairs" he informed me "he's not doing too good"

I smiled sympathetically and stepped inside, wiping my feet before turning back to Mr. Nelson… "Is Finn's Mum here? I'd like to pay her my respects"

"She hasn't arrived yet, love" he replied "but I'll let you know when she does. She's looking forward to meeting you"

I smiled at him… "I'm looking forward to meeting her too. I'm gonna head up, see if he's okay"

"Alright" he stated, making his way into the living room

FINN'S POV:

"Stupid, stupid, stupid" I proclaimed, throwing my tie onto my bed in frustration

"What did it ever do to you?" Rae's voice asked, startling me. I hadn't heard her come in…

"Rae, hi" I greeted her, turning to her, putting a smile onto my face

"Hi" she mirrored "now answer me, what did that tie ever do to you, eh?"

"It's like it knows I need to wear it and won't fasten" I replied

She chuckled and threw her bag down onto my bed, picking up the tie, putting it around my neck… "Here"

"Thanks" I sighed

"Done" she informed me a minute later as she folded my collar down "how're you doing?"

"Not bad" I admitted, grabbing my suit jacket from the door of my wardrobe

"Liar" she replied "your Dad said you're not doing well"

"I just miss her" I informed her "she was one of the ones who believed in me, who was proud of me. Now she's gone"

She placed her hands on my shoulders and smoothed my suit jacket out… "She's proud of you, Finn. You're a wonderful human being, one of the best people I know"

"I wish I'd taken you to meet her" I admitted "she asked to meet you a few times"

"She did?" she questioned, raising an eyebrow at me

"Yeah, I kinda talked about you a lot" I informed her

"What did you say about me?" she inquired

"Just how cool you were, how well we get on, how we liked the same music, that sorta thing" I replied

She smiled at me warmly and pressed a kiss to my cheek...

"That's my Mum" I admitted as we heard voices downstairs

"Better get down there then, hadn't we?" she suggested

I nodded my head, signalling yes, following her from the room…

RAE'S POV:

"Mum, this is Rae" Finn introduced me to his Mum as we walked into the living room

"Rae, lovely to meet you" she proclaimed "thank you for coming today, supporting my boy"

"You're welcome" I replied, reciprocating her warm smile "I'm very sorry for your loss"

"Thank you" she sighed "it was inevitable though unfortunately. She was a very poorly woman"

I squeezed Finn's arm as I glanced at him stood next to me, his hands delving into his pockets as he struggled to contain his emotions, a small smile creeping onto his face… "How about Finn and I sort drinks?"

"We've not got time, Rae, love" Mr. Nelson informed me "the cars will be here in 5-minutes"

I nodded my head in understanding, the passing of time being taken up by Finn's Mum asking me questions, a silence falling over the room as the doorbell rang. It was time…

"You okay?" I asked Finn as his Mum and Dad walked out of the room

He nodded his head, signalling yes. Smiling at him, I entwined his hand with mine, ignoring the sparks that shot through me (now was most definitely not the time) and led him out of the house to the car…

We arrived at the church half-an-hour later. Thinking I was going to have to sit away from Finn, I lagged behind, Finn turning to look at me as I did so…

"What're you doing?" he questioned

"It's not fair if I sit with you and there's no room for your family" I admitted

"There's plenty of room, and besides, I want you with me. Come on" he replied

This time he took my hand in his and led me to an aisle, letting me sit myself down, moving to sit down next to me. During the service, I could see Finn's emotions were getting the better of him. Moving closer to him, I rested my head on his shoulder and entwined my hand with his… "Let it out, it's okay"

I had to resist the urge not to cry as I felt his body begin to shake, the emotions finally escaping his body. Running my thumb over his knuckle, I kept my hand entwined with his tightly, that being the only support I could give him…

FINN'S POV:

After the wake, I walked Rae back to her house as promised to her Mum. Stopping outside her front door, she leant against the wall, rooting around in her handbag for her keys…

"You gonna be okay?" she questioned

I nodded my head, signalling yes… "Thanks to you, I'd been bottling it all up since the party"

"Finn" she sighed

"I just couldn't cry" I admitted, sighing heavily "but now I feel as though a weight's been lifted"

She smiled at me warmly and moved forwards, kissing my cheek. Swallowing a lump in my throat, I turned my head and pressed my lips against hers softly…

"Finn…" she whispered, pulling away a few seconds later "what was that?"

"Something I've been wondering whether to do for a while" I admitted

"Don't lie" she sighed

"I'm not" I replied "you've been amazing today, even more amazing than usual. Thank you"

"So it was a thank you kiss? Okay" she stated, smiling at me warmly

"No" I proclaimed as she went to put her key into the lock "it wasn't just a thank you kiss. It was something I've wanted to do since we were in the cupboard at the party"

She swallowed a lump in her throat… "Your head's not in the right place. You're just saying this"

"No, Rae, I'm not" I informed her "I'm thinking clearly for the first time in days"

"Well then I guess you're feeling this way because we've been together for the past few days, that's all" she replied

"No, it's not that either" I admitted "Rae, I like you, I really like you"

"How can you possibly like me?" she questioned

"Quite easily, actually" I informed her "I look at you and I think wow, you're amazing"

"Bollocks" she proclaimed

"What's it gonna take for you to believe me?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at her

She shrugged her shoulders. Sighing heavily, I pulled her towards me, hugging her tightly. Lifting my hand from where it had been resting on her back, I wrote the words "I love you" on the material of her dress… "I hope that makes you believe me"


	9. Chapter 9

**Season 1 episode 5 re-watch. Just my thoughts on yet another scene I think we should've had…**

"_I'd always known I'd have to run away from home at some point. I'd always planned that I'd go and stop at Chloe's. We'd be like sisters; I'd have a normal family. But things change…"_

I knocked on Finn's door three times, only waiting a couple of moments for an answer. Opening it, he looked at me worriedly and I smiled weakly, shrugging my shoulders. Reciprocating my smile, he moved aside and let me in, shutting the door behind us…

"What happened?" he questioned as we stood in his hallway

"Argument with Mum" I informed him, sighing heavily "I did something stupid as always"

"I'm sure it didn't warrant her hitting you" he admitted

"What? How did you know?" I inquired, shocked

"There's a big red handprint on your face, Rae" he informed me "kind of a giveaway"

I smiled at him weakly… "I did deserve it"

"What did you do?" he asked

"I thought I heard the door…" Mr. Nelson interjected as I was about to reply

"Hi" I greeted him, smiling at him warmly

"Hi, love. You okay?" he questioned

"We're gonna go upstairs and listen to some music, Dad" Finn informed him "is it okay if Rae stays tonight?"

"Course it is. I'll make up the spare room for when you get back from the rave" he replied

"Thanks" Finn stated, motioning for me to head up the stairs

Shutting his bedroom door behind us, I sat down on the edge of his bed, throwing my bag into the chair as I went…

"So what did you do then?" he questioned

"I fucked with Karim's birds" I informed him

"You what?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at me

"Karim built a cage and bought some birds for it. I didn't agree that they were all cooped up and set them free when he and my Mum came in pissed up and they ended up getting killed" I explained "which led to me and my Mum rowing. Now I feel like a bitch because he did it because he doesn't know many people and did it as a project. She called me a mental case, I called her a twat, she slapped me, I stormed out"

"I'm sure things will be okay in a couple of days, once you've both had time to calm down" he replied, smiling at me warmly

I nodded my head in agreement. I couldn't bring myself to speak because I knew the words that came out of my mouth would be a lie… "Hadn't you better be getting ready for the rave?"

"I'm gonna tell Chop I'm not well. Can't leave you here to suffer my Dad on your own" he chuckled

"Who said I'd be stuck here with your Dad? I'm coming" I informed him

"You are?" he questioned

"Yeah" I replied "so let's get ready, shall we?"

He nodded his head in agreement, both of us moving from the room to get ourselves organised…


	10. Chapter 10

**I MISS YOU, I LOVE YOU:**

_Tidy house, tidy mind _ – that was what my Mum always said, so I was shocked to return home from therapy later than normal that evening to find the pots from hers and Karim's tea hadn't been washed. Pulling my coat off, I settled it on the back of the chair…

"Mum…" I called. No answer. "Mum?"

I made my way through the living room, my breath hitching in my throat as I momentarily glanced down at the floor as I made my way to the stairs. Blood… Looking up, I saw a blooded handprint on the glass frame of the stairs. Shit. Hurrying up the stairs, I continued to call out for her, almost passing out there and then as I saw her laid against the bath…

"Mum…" I whimpered, crouching down next to her "no, no, no, no, no"

"I'm okay, love" she whispered "just get some towels and then go and call an ambulance"

"I don't want to leave you" I informed her, entwining her hand in mine

"You need to, darling" she replied "please, be strong for me, Rae. I need you to be"

She opened her eyes and stared at me. Nodding my head with vigour, I did as she said and grabbed some towels from the airing cupboard, pooling them around her to soak up the blood. Hurrying downstairs, I dialled 999, informing them of the emergency and our address, making my way back up to Mum…

I arrived home at almost midnight, Karim having sent me home to try and get some sleep after he arrived at the hospital and I filled him on what, or what I hadn't, been told. How was I meant to sleep when I didn't know whether my Mum or my little brother or sister would live? Grabbing a bucket from under the sink, I ran some hot water and began to clean the blood up. After I washed the dishes and dried and put them away, then scrubbed the kitchen and living room from top to bottom, just waiting for a phone call…

8am the next morning; still no phone call. I wasn't hungry but I forced myself to eat, knowing I couldn't skip a day off my meds. Finishing off the toast on my plate, the post came through the letterbox, the telltale clang of the metal hitting the door. Making my way into the hallway, I picked it up. Bill, bill, bill, bill, bill, and one for me, handwritten. May Earl. I smiled, instantly knowing who it was from. Finn…

I read through his letter over and over again, trying not to let the tears fall. Making my way into the living room, I picked up the phone and dialled the number, thinking what I would say to him if and when he answered. I'd narrowed it down to three things:

I miss you

I love you

My world is falling apart and I need you by my side

"Hello…" his voice spoke, snapping me from my trance

"Finn, it's Rae. I got your letter" I informed him

"I meant everything I said, just so you know" he admitted

"I know" I assured him "so how've you been?"

"Not too bad" he replied "you?"

"Not too bad. Ups and downs" I informed him "how's Leeds?"

"Shit. Being a scaffolder's shit. I can't do it for shit" he sighed, chuckling softly

"Maybe you should come back to Stamford then?" I suggested, biting my bottom lip nervously

"You what?" he questioned

"I need you" I admitted "Mum's in hospital. She collapsed last night. There was so much blood. I don't know what's going on"

"Okay, okay. Rae, calm down, yeah?" he begged "are you saying you want me to come and be there for you?"

"Yeah" I whispered

"Rae, what did you say?" he inquired

"I said yeah" I informed him, clearing my throat "yeah, yeah I do want you to come and be there for me, because I need you"

"I'll be there by lunchtime" he assured me "meet you at the hospital, yeah?"

I sighed with relief… "Thanks, Finn"

"No problem" he replied, both of us hanging up the phone

I arrived at the hospital not long after my phone call with Finn, forcing Karim to go home to get some sleep. He'd be no good to my Mum or my little brother or sister if he was exhausted and ended up in hospital himself. Hugging me goodbye tightly, he smiled at me warmly and left…

After flicking through the pile of magazines on the table by my chair, I glanced up at the clock, 11:55am. Licking my suddenly dry lips, I was snapped out of my trance by someone's touch…

"Hi" he wrote onto my leg

I turned to him and smiled through the tears that shot to the surface… "Thank you"


End file.
